I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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