Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
