Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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