First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
