there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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