Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
