Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
