She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
