I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
