Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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