its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
