I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
