And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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