I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
