Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
