the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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