I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
