and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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