her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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