I hate your face
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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