Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3