I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?