I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
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He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.