those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...