I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
