dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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