so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
