I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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