and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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