You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
