I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
