I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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