Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
