Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
