tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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