im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
