i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
