then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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