I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize