How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
