In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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