I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
