You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
