I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So many bounce houses so little time
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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