Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
