just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
