My girlfriend figured out who you are.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
