I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
