All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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