so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
NoShamevember. You game?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
