Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
