I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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