Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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