So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
