My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
