She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
