he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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