Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Randomize
