Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
