Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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