hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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