Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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