I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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