and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
