I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Umm I'm too high to move.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
